Career Coaster Gifts

'What's job security like around here? Well, I wouldn't bother taking off my hat or coat.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

37 years in the same position.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

"Sure, I'm a successful working bee, but sometimes, I wish I could have a family..."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

Between Offices

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"....how many kids have we got now?"

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

Working 9 to 5.

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"