Comical Career Navigator Gifts

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

Between Offices

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

"Trust me, you don't want this job."

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."

Confused drivers

Doubt or Certainy

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

'I received matching offers.'

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

"I've been an accountant, an actuary, an advertising exec, an administrator, an architect, an art director, and an auditor, and now I'd like to move on to the B's."

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

"I've seen a number of meteoric career flameouts in my time, but Phil's was sure in a class by itself!"

How to Polish Up Your Resume. Remember, you don't want to polish it to the point you can actually see yourself in it.

Universidad

"Any talents besides tasting good?"

"We live in the desert. What did you think I meant when I said it'd be a nice day to go boating?"

Lew Yomp Jr: Investment Counselor & Elvis Look Alike.

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'

Up

'You'll never have to worry about me jumping ship for a better offer.'

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pigeons have a salary that goes with the job!"

'Your career is a change management textbook.'

'Him? Oh, he's my job interview coach.'

Musical Chairs...

"Study Henderson's career closely. He's made all the mistakes so you don't have to."

ApplicantsSupplicants.

'I read your resume. It's good, but I prefer reading non fiction.'