Career Navigators Gifts

...What if I promise to only use half my brain?

'Sometimes I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day -- but I wouldn't list it under 'career goals.'

'Try to think of your career here as less of a ladder and more of a bridge.'

When asked what impresses them least in a candidate, most interviewers cite 'not listening to the question'...

'Dang! Is seeing into the future required for this job?'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

Between Offices

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

"It's been hell since you went into animation."

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

Ace headhunters.

Planned service changes

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

'Mom, Dad. I've made up my mind. I'm going to skip college, hire an agent, and pin all my hopes on a professional bass fishing careers.'

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

'Worker or Soldier: Is that all you can suggest? Not much of a choice is there!...'

'Please don't be hurt, Dad, but I've decided to go into gathering instead of hunting.'

"Trust me, you don't want this job."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

'From now on, Bob, you'll have to fetch your own newspaper and slippers. I'm ready for a career change.'

"Baldo, I don't care what you are...as long as you're good at it."

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."