Quirky Career Navigator Gifts

"I've been an accountant, an actuary, an advertising exec, an administrator, an architect, an art director, and an auditor, and now I'd like to move on to the B's."

'You know, I was buying this resume until I got to the part about you serving on your town's Ouija Board.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

Between Offices

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

The world's most unemployable family

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

Blend Schools

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."

"Go about a foot and take a right, then it's the second left, no, no ... the third left, then straight …"

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

Doubt or Certainy

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

"Yes, but is 'Bigfoot enthusiast' an actual job?"

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

'I received matching offers.'

"By the way, I'm giving notice I start at Hooters on Monday."

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

"I've seen a number of meteoric career flameouts in my time, but Phil's was sure in a class by itself!"

'You'll never have to worry about me jumping ship for a better offer.'

Up

Lew Yomp Jr: Investment Counselor & Elvis Look Alike.

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pigeons have a salary that goes with the job!"

How to Polish Up Your Resume. Remember, you don't want to polish it to the point you can actually see yourself in it.

'Your career is a change management textbook.'

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

Universidad