Job Reapplication Gifts

"Why would I rehire you? The last time things got rough, you jumped ship."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

Do you have any other skills?

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

Perks Featured in Vacancy at Toy Company

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

"Here at Global Com we're looking for people can 'think outside of the box'..."