Job Reapplication Pillows

"Why would I rehire you? The last time things got rough, you jumped ship."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

Do you have any other skills?

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Here at Global Com we're looking for people can 'think outside of the box'..."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

Perks Featured in Vacancy at Toy Company