Job Return Gifts

"Oh, stop hyperventilating! You went on vacation to relax, remember?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'Manager. . . Commander. . . Chieftain. . . King!'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Danger Slow Sand.

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"I'm learning to live with existence."

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'