Job Market Whiz Gifts

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

The Three Wise Queens

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

"Ambitions... to make a career change from tourism to sales."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

"We don't have a grievance committee, but we have a grieving committee for fired employees."

The world's most unemployable family

"All it takes is a little marketing, Tia Carmen!"

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

Now hiring.

'Restaurant' in bad need of staff

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'