Job Market Whiz Gifts

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

The Three Wise Queens

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

"All it takes is a little marketing, Tia Carmen!"

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"We don't have a grievance committee, but we have a grieving committee for fired employees."

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

The world's most unemployable family

"Ambitions... to make a career change from tourism to sales."

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'Restaurant' in bad need of staff

'I see an applicant being hired!'

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

'Your resume says you have a B.A. in medieval history, a M.A. in modern art, and a PhD in metaphysical poetry. Have you checked us out on the internet? We design and manufacture detonation switches for drones.'