Job Hunting Whiz Gifts

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Now hiring.

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"Your resume shows you have had numerous jobs and in all of them you were rather invisible."

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

'You're a good first draft. We would like to see a finished version.'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

Employment demands