Job Hunting Whiz Pillows

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

"Your resume shows you have had numerous jobs and in all of them you were rather invisible."

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'You're a good first draft. We would like to see a finished version.'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

Employment demands

"I may have exaggerated a bit about coming up with a cure for cancer."