Job Hunt Champ Pillows

"You were in here last week for an interview. We don't give do-overs."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

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'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

"'Can correctly complete a CAPTCHA image 8 our of 10 times.' Any other skills?"

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"Your resume shows you have had numerous jobs and in all of them you were rather invisible."

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"I must admit, I thought I had seen every type of 'attention grabbing' resume out there, but this..."

'Sorry, but I have to put 'Orca': Who would hire a 'Killer Whale'?...'

'Heyyy, you're hired! Want a peanut?'

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

"I thought it was a myth, but it's true—when you're fired your whole resume flashes before your eyes."