Job Hunter With Flair Pillows

'We're looking for bold, imaginative thinking, and judging from the whoppers on your resume, you're our man!'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"You come highly recommended. I like that."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

'You're a good first draft. We would like to see a finished version.'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

Lying on your CV

'I'm a monarch, but I still pad my resume.'

"On your resume, under Achievements, what do you mean by 'inspired by actual events'?"

'I've met some tough interview boards in my time...!'

Employment demands