Job Seeker With Flair Pillows

'Feelings, nothing more than feeeelings that I'm right for this job.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'I have never seen a resume prepared in pastels and oil paint. How long have you been unemployed?'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

Employment demands

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"