Out-of-this-world Job Seeker Pillows

Employment demands

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

Caged Businessman

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

Urine Catcher

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"And you can REALLY make 345,000 deliveries in ONE day!"

Branch Manager Interviews: "Who's next?"

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'Do you have an appointment?'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."