Out-of-this-world Job Seeker Gifts

Employment demands

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

Caged Businessman

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

Urine Catcher

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

Branch Manager Interviews: "Who's next?"

'Do you have an appointment?'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."