Imaginative Job Seeker Gifts

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

Caged Businessman

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"The pay for field testing our new lures isn't much, but you get to keep all the fish you catch."

"At the moment I'm torn between the emotionally rewarding but poorly resourced role of a social worker or a more intellectualy rigorous career in quantum physics."

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

'I have never seen a resume prepared in pastels and oil paint. How long have you been unemployed?'

Branch Manager Interviews: "Who's next?"

When staffing agencies screw up.

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

'Do you have an appointment?'

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"This is what you call doing what you love."

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

'You're a good first draft. We would like to see a finished version.'