Job Hunting Wizards Gifts

'Find me a war, and I'll get out of your hair.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

'... No, you're not on the short list. You're not even on the long list.'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

When he was between Executive Assistants, filing became a challenge for Jonathan.

Start the session by doing something unusual.

"I'd like you to consider some of our exciting career opportunities working for anyone else but me."

I got the raise

'I know we got the job, but trust me, ‘dress for success' always applies, even after the interview.'

"A vibrant imagination is an excellent quality for the job...but not the CV."

"Goodbye, masked consultant. And thanks for reducing our inefficiencies."

"As you insist everything must be in triplicate, meet my new secretaries."

"He gave me an 'F' on my resume."

"Yesterday's clothes, which weren't quite dirty enough to wash, or clean enough to put away" "The day before yesterday's clothes" "A parcel you have forgotten to send back" "Your sense of inner peace and harmony" "Clothes from the day before that" "A beloved sock, last seen in February 2023"

'Since we programmed all of Sousa's marches into their IPOD's, production is up 27%.'

'Thrower here has always been one to push the envelope.'

"Once we corroborate your impressive resume with your social media persona, we'll get in touch."

'To enable them to provide the service we require the procurement team have submitted a request for seven wands, a crystal ball and a time machine...'

'We're having a meeting and it will not end until we find out why no work is getting done.'

'Apparently him being 108 and dead isn't sufficient reason for laying him off!'

Small business nurturing employee health insurance.

"Our next online purchase will be a commercial trash compactor."

Snare in the inbox.

Computer From Hell

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

"A parent/teacher conference? Let me check my schedule and I'll have my people get with your people."

"I need a new lease on life."