Hr Wizard Gifts

Small business nurturing employee health insurance.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

How leaders fail

Outer Space Outsourcing

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

'What's wrong now?'

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

The Evolution of the Bonus

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

Late/Too Late.

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'