Resume Wizards Gifts

'I'm sorry, Mr Aaron, but we checked with your school and you only graduated first in your class alphabetically.'

"This is fine, General, but how are your typing skills?"

"I thought your resume was a joke, Mr. Higgins, but I can't find the punchline, which is why I called you back here."

'I'm sure you are proud of being a world record holder. But having 7,935 different employers in one month isn't something I'd put on my resume.'

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

UBLIC RELATIONS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

'He will observe your text now...'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

'... No, you're not on the short list. You're not even on the long list.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

'Yes, I'm very punctual. I always use commas and periods.'

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Start the session by doing something unusual.

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

Progression of human writing, from chisled stone to computers until 2000 when the computer has blown up

"I'd like you to meet our director of scratch-and-sniff advertising."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."