Resume Wizards Gifts

'I'm sorry, Mr Aaron, but we checked with your school and you only graduated first in your class alphabetically.'

"This is fine, General, but how are your typing skills?"

"I thought your resume was a joke, Mr. Higgins, but I can't find the punchline, which is why I called you back here."

'I'm sure you are proud of being a world record holder. But having 7,935 different employers in one month isn't something I'd put on my resume.'

"Your resume is excellent, except for your name, which is stupid."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

UBLIC RELATIONS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

'He will observe your text now...'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'... No, you're not on the short list. You're not even on the long list.'

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

'Yes, I'm very punctual. I always use commas and periods.'

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Start the session by doing something unusual.

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"