Job Application Wizard Gifts

Employment Office. Ernie's learned from his mistakes and now he's overqualified for everything!

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

Do you have any other skills?

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

'I'd hire you, but the word is going around you guys are practically extinct!'