Job Application Wizard Gifts

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'I'd hire you, but the word is going around you guys are practically extinct!'