Job Market Satire Pillows

"So get out there, and join the ranks of the unemployed!"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'Yes, can I help you?'

How are you at decision making?

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"Damn tail... now he's going to ask for more money."

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

'I don't think I could have picked a tougher line of work.'

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

'I like your appearance. I'm sure we can find you a place in the company.'

'I'm looking for someone to bask in my glow.'

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

Right,so you're looking for someone with magic circle experience in M&A ,litigation and finance with a set of blue chip clients and the freedom to work ANYWHERE...would you like them to walk on water and turn water into wine as well?

"Of course there are some advantages to working here...we have a Food Bank situated conveniently at the end of the street!"

'You're a spineless, craven, frightened little man, Bradberg - I like that in an employee.'

"Our plan is to hire the first person we find not under federal investigation."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'Can you dance?'

"I've got to be honest. It's going to be hard to find you a position that offers 40 days of personal time."

'No experience necessary. We'll train you!'

Will work for question marks.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

Job Centre: Settle for Early Retirement.

Personnel - "I liked the one that saluted."

This company has enough clowns.

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

I'm very impressed with your resume. Especially the part about your inability to make decisions by yourself.

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

"You'd make a great personal assistant, but I'm afraid the job would eat you alive."

'Your references and job qualifications are excellent. I notice, however, that you've never stayed with any one company for very long!'