Job Market Satire Lover Pillows

"You'd make a great personal assistant, but I'm afraid the job would eat you alive."

'As part of the severance plan, we're raffling off free trips to the country your job was outsourced to.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'Yes, can I help you?'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

Up-to-date Career-Specific Romance Novels

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'It could be worse. Imagine what it'd be like if we hadn't gone to that team building session last week.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, will do my job, and has no interest in having my job."

"We can't take breaks, but lunch is provided."

"Hold my calls for a while, Wilson."

The boss yells at me whenever I try to think outside the box! He's giving you some constrictive criticism!

Your job...is to make sure nothing ever gets to this desk

You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Work Here But You Will Be After The Training.

The Tedious Adventures of Mr. Sloth

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

'Sure I talk to myself. It's the only way I can have an intelligent conversation round here.'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

'Bring me something I can barely handle.'

'No, not your Uncle Sam. The Uncle Sam.'

"I'd like to take a few minutes to make a series of promises I have no intention of keeping."

Holding the bag, inc, your corporate scapegoat.

"God may have forgiven you, but Hoskins, Danner & Smythe, LLC, have not."

"Looks like J.B. changed his mind about his open door policy!"

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

'This new 'mentoring' policy is a wonderful idea...It gives staff the chances to take on significant extra responsibilities in relation to staff support and supervision.'

"Sir, Human Resources has clogged the organic waste bins with burned out workers again!"