Employment Satire Pillows

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

In and Out Tray

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

'Remember, Jenkins, I want those briefs on my desk by morning.'

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'