Job Jumper Gifts

'Good luck with your new job...we all know how much you'll miss the old one.'

'I'm stuck in this job!'

'Your heart's not really in this job, is it?'

Nimble

Career counselor Ernie answers your questions. A question from Washington D.C. - "I'm ready for a complete career change. What's the opposite of 'spin doctor'?" "Bull fighter"! (Published originally on March 30, 2013).

Trade School. Going to trade school after our real estate business collapsed was a good idea! These days it's all about "vocation, vocation, vocation"!

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

'Yes sir, I'll get right on it. Would you like it done with or without gusto?'

'I'm not here looking for a job. I'm the temp who's replacing you when the boss fires you today.'

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'What do I do around here? Sir, I really think I deserve some time for research and preparation before answering that.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

(an employee is in grasp of a giant octopi.The employee's boss is yelling at him through a bull-horn) 'Mr. Smith! According to H.R., you can no longer be employed here! Alright H.R., you can set Mr. Smith down now!'

"Let's honor this young future farmer - he's ready to endure hard labor, long hours and outrageously low farm prices..."

Something tells me his current firm aren't going to be happy to let him go!

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

Why do you want a career in the bank?

'Word has it that you have an ulcer, Tomkins. Nice going! You'll find an extra 20 bucks in your paycheck.'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who?