Jesus Gifts

'How did you EXPECT me to come back?'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Tree in Dollar Shape.

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Money Bar.

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Oh, yes - BEAUTIFUL singer he was - but could he snap his fingers. . ?"

'I was so embarrassed when you tossed your y-fronts on stage.'

'No, boss, this isn't a secret code. My spell check is broken and this is what my typing actually looks like.'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

Rock On

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

The Ship of Fools. The earth as a ship, heading for destruction as people party, oblivious to the danger

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

Sales Secretary

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

"Wow! I knew you were rich, but I didn't know you were that rich!"

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

'How many words a minute do you type?' - 'Big ones or little ones?'

'It saves me the trouble of constantly asking myself 'What's my motivation?''

'Please help me! Every payday, I get robbed some gangsters called 'Fiscal Authority'!

"It's a cross between pop and rap. We call it 'pap.'"