Jesting Jester Gifts

"Come on Frank. I didn't mean to catch a bigger fish than you."

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Women in a cross country race

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Yawning barristers in court

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'He started it!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."