Jedi Academy Hopeful Gifts

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"When I grow up, I want to become president and eventually the subject of a groundbreaking, critically-acclaimed Broadway musical."

'My ultimate goal is to do product promo in a popular Super Bowl T.V ad.'

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

"I'll bet Miss Parker gets teacher of the year for this."

Jar Wars: 'Use the forks Luke... Use the forks!'

"Use the force to concentrate, Luke. The force and noise cancelling headphones."

Waiting to be discovered, or taken to work, whichever comes first...

"He'll never be good enough to snatch this pebble from my hand."

I don't get why ladies find you so charming, and me so boring. Simple projection. Believe she finds you charming because you're wittier and more mysterious than she is. She'll sense you're a challenge. Suddenly she'll make anything you say conform to that assumption. So I just Jedi mind-trick them? Maybe not ANYthing.

'These low energy light sabres take ages to warm up.'

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

Pygmy giant squid

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

A pilot is waiting for a Jedi to signal he can proceed on an airport runway.

"I wouldn't have smacked you on the butt if I'd known your light saber was in your back pocket."

'I could rule the world if it wasn't for my inferiority complex.'

"There's got to be a better way to break into show business than appearing on Hot Ones."

Darth/Obi-Wan pillow fight

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

"Which one do you want: the promotion or the happy marriage?"

"I'm kind of considered the Jimmy Page of the clarinet world."

"Would a beard make me look more academic?"

"In a previous life, I was married to Shirley MacLaine."

Are you a "Star Wars" fan, good sir? Who isn't? I would like to propose a small wager. Ask me any question about Star Wars. Any question at all

"...and the shepherd boy never got into any of the really good schools."

'They're not just going to GIVE you a Nobel Peace Prize -- you have to FIGHT for it!'

'You're a magician, Mr. Scully?'

GOP mind trick

'I see by your parachute that you have trust issues.'

'I don't need to neuter him. He can go about his business.' A jedi dog trick.

Uptown Escort Service...you can be a celebrity: Entourages available.