Award-winning Hopeful Gifts

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

Hollywood or bust!

Directors chairs on movie set with Model, Actress, and Whatever on them

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

Welcome to Hollywood

So close... Yet so far.

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

"Hear me out. Batman - again."

"This area is popular with would-be actresses and models,we call it 'Silicon Implants'."

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

"I'll bet Miss Parker gets teacher of the year for this."

"It's a battle of wills - I'm refusing to do anything for his 'funny cat videos' web page."

Live the Dream!

"I'm sorry. We don't want a ring-tailed lemur. We want a ring-tailed-lemur type."

"That's enough therapy. From here on out, I think I could do a hell of a lot more for both of us as your agent."

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

"Sure, if this was New York, I'd be your editor and you'd be the author - but this is L.A., so I'm your agent and you're the whatever."

Oscar Victory

The Ox Factor

'I was only famous for 14 and a half minutes.'

"Hallelujah, I'm a believer!"

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'