Showbiz Hopeful Gifts

"There's got to be a better way to break into show business than appearing on Hot Ones."

Waiting to be discovered, or taken to work, whichever comes first...

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

Hollywood or bust!

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

"Er. . . anything else?"

Directors chairs on movie set with Model, Actress, and Whatever on them

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

Welcome to Hollywood

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

Live the Dream!

"Hear me out. Batman - again."

'Here's looking at you, kid...'

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

"This area is popular with would-be actresses and models,we call it 'Silicon Implants'."

"I'm not sure I'd want fifteen minutes of fame. Mum would only follow it with fifteen minutes of criticism."

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

"It's a battle of wills - I'm refusing to do anything for his 'funny cat videos' web page."

"So, Mrs. Fessler, I understand you're a stand-up comic."

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"I'm sorry. We don't want a ring-tailed lemur. We want a ring-tailed-lemur type."

Dog picturing himself on stage.

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

'So, did I get the job?'