Talent Show Hopeful Gifts

'I blame the 'X' Factor.'

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Hi, sweetie! How was the talent show? Did they enjoy your Clay Aiken tribute?

The Drummer

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Piers Morgan.

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

Trump commissions song

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

The Ox Factor

Banana striptease...

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

'That was the worst performance I've ever seen.'

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

'You look and sound like a real pro.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

Simon Cowell

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'...and all going well, definitely no more than 15 minutes of fame!'

"Oh heck, it’s going to be a long night, someone’s pressed the golden buzzer."

'You call that carol singing?'

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

Eh... yes Mister eh... Genghis. Can I just ask where did you get your boots?

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

Waiting to be discovered, or taken to work, whichever comes first...

The ocean is no place for a star.

'Usual Saturday night crap.'

'I see ol' bug-eyes is back.'

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

Jonny B Goode fails his first audition "You know, you play that guitar just like you're ringing a bell! Trouble is we need someone who plays like they're playing a guitar!"