Talent Show Star Gifts

Hi, sweetie! How was the talent show? Did they enjoy your Clay Aiken tribute?

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

The Drummer

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Piers Morgan.

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

Trump commissions song

The Ox Factor

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

'You look and sound like a real pro.'

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

Simon Cowell

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

The ocean is no place for a star.

'I see ol' bug-eyes is back.'

'Usual Saturday night crap.'

'You call that carol singing?'

'...and all going well, definitely no more than 15 minutes of fame!'

"Oh heck, it’s going to be a long night, someone’s pressed the golden buzzer."

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

Eh... yes Mister eh... Genghis. Can I just ask where did you get your boots?

'I'm gifted but I hide it well.'

'Aha! You are addicted to American Idol. You have the voting numbers on speed dial.'

Jonny B Goode fails his first audition "You know, you play that guitar just like you're ringing a bell! Trouble is we need someone who plays like they're playing a guitar!"

Jerusalem's Got Talent

'Your huffing and puffing completely blew us away.'