Talent Show Fan Gifts

'I just hope I don't get voted off first.'

'I'm gifted but I hide it well.'

Jonny B Goode fails his first audition "You know, you play that guitar just like you're ringing a bell! Trouble is we need someone who plays like they're playing a guitar!"

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

Piano Four Extremities.

Biblical Idol: "Oh God, not another golden calf!"

Talon show.

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

Bob always voted for his favorite performance. It was his way of giving something back.

Michael Ignatieff on CBC

'Egrets, I've had a few. . .'

'Your huffing and puffing completely blew us away.'

"Too bad—the kid had talent."

A worm at a dance contest.

'Here's a little blues song I wrote about how the rich get stuck with taxes. . .'

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

"Glenn mastered the sppon trick."

Strictly Come Dancing Wild West Style

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'You call that carol singing?'

Shelly and Marv took Most Hirsute Husband for the third year running with their sensational 'scrub the floor' routine.

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Hi, sweetie! How was the talent show? Did they enjoy your Clay Aiken tribute?

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

The Drummer

Trump commissions song

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

Banana striptease...

'You look and sound like a real pro.'

The Ox Factor