Talent Show Judge Gifts

'We're looking for a star, and I truly believe that star could be you...'

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

The Drummer

Trump commissions song

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

The Ox Factor

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

'Usual Saturday night crap.'

The ocean is no place for a star.

"Oh heck, it’s going to be a long night, someone’s pressed the golden buzzer."

'You call that carol singing?'

Mic Drop

'...and all going well, definitely no more than 15 minutes of fame!'

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

Eh... yes Mister eh... Genghis. Can I just ask where did you get your boots?

'I'm gifted but I hide it well.'

Jerusalem's Got Talent

"I've done it, Igor! I've created a pop group!"

"Give it up for Stevie and his musical underarms! Next up, in the house...Crazy Katrina and her jump rope of death! It's something you'll see only on...the Security Camera Network!"