Talent Show Gifts

Help! Original inventor of multi-tasking.

The Drummer

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

Hi, sweetie! How was the talent show? Did they enjoy your Clay Aiken tribute?

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Piers Morgan.

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

Trump commissions song

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

Executives are evaluated in Dancing With The Stars style.

'That was the worst performance I've ever seen.'

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

The Ox Factor

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."

'Thank you! This next song I wrote to prove that we accountants DO know how to be 'cool'.'

Simon Cowell

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

"She's good because she is our bookkeeper."

'I see ol' bug-eyes is back.'

"Oh heck, it’s going to be a long night, someone’s pressed the golden buzzer."

'...and all going well, definitely no more than 15 minutes of fame!'

'You call that carol singing?'

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

The ocean is no place for a star.

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

'Usual Saturday night crap.'

Jonny B Goode fails his first audition "You know, you play that guitar just like you're ringing a bell! Trouble is we need someone who plays like they're playing a guitar!"

'I'm gifted but I hide it well.'

'Aha! You are addicted to American Idol. You have the voting numbers on speed dial.'

Jerusalem's Got Talent

AD 763. Hopeful entrants in the first Easter Island Idol competition.