Jedi Wannabe Gifts

Darth/Obi-Wan pillow fight

'These low energy light sabres take ages to warm up.'

"I wouldn't have smacked you on the butt if I'd known your light saber was in your back pocket."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'I've got a cape. I think I can make it.'

Zorro as a child.

Inaction Figure

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"Sarge, he says he wants to make a 'fashion statement'!"

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

"Sure we'll get in trouble, but our science grades will make up for it."

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

Jar Wars: 'Use the forks Luke... Use the forks!'

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"I am a ninja rabbit. I am stealth personified. I am one of the unseen. I am now invisible...Darn."

I don't get why ladies find you so charming, and me so boring. Simple projection. Believe she finds you charming because you're wittier and more mysterious than she is. She'll sense you're a challenge. Suddenly she'll make anything you say conform to that assumption. So I just Jedi mind-trick them? Maybe not ANYthing.

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

'OK, who wants to be a hero?'

Lost your helmets during the battle, huh? Who's laughing now?

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

"I'm going to demonstrate how dogs are stealth ninjas in the dark. See how I move silently....."

In-law country

You can't just secretly monitor the conversation of every cafe patron. Of course I can. I'm the cafe's proprietor. I run the joint. I'm in charge. I'm a strong leader. I make touch decisions. I protect moms and children. I find and destroy evil. You use short, declarative sentences. I win.

'What do you mean... You sent the rest of the uniform to the dry cleaners?'

"There's no increase in salary, but the position does come with a cape."

"What a guy!"

'This one is for 'World of Warcraft 3,'

"We'll stop for a bread, water and toilet break at 11.30... on Tuesday."