Jedi Gifts

"I wouldn't have smacked you on the butt if I'd known your light saber was in your back pocket."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

It was getting worse. Bob's power suit kept wanting more and more, whereas Bob just wanted out.

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

Jar Wars: 'Use the forks Luke... Use the forks!'

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

"Use the force to concentrate, Luke. The force and noise cancelling headphones."

'Dinnertime!', 'Not now, Mom -- the fate of the Galaxy is in my hands!'

I don't get why ladies find you so charming, and me so boring. Simple projection. Believe she finds you charming because you're wittier and more mysterious than she is. She'll sense you're a challenge. Suddenly she'll make anything you say conform to that assumption. So I just Jedi mind-trick them? Maybe not ANYthing.

I was found guilty, eight of the jury were my ex-wives.

An angel spinning the Vitruvian Man

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

'These low energy light sabres take ages to warm up.'

A pilot is waiting for a Jedi to signal he can proceed on an airport runway.

'Your glaucoma will never improve this way, Buzzy.'

'Let me explain the secret of my jedi mind trick. . . win an election!'

Mouse levitates cheese off mouse trap.

Darth/Obi-Wan pillow fight

Help! Original inventor of multi-tasking.

"I can't believe how soon they got me back on my feet after the operation..."

Are you a "Star Wars" fan, good sir? Who isn't? I would like to propose a small wager. Ask me any question about Star Wars. Any question at all

'Jeez! How many times did you use your credit card today?'

"The fork Luke...Use the fork."

Obi Wan Kenobi uses the Force at the doctor's office.

"*One more thing, no doubt."

GOP mind trick

"... What sign was I born under? ... A big one which read, 'Maternity Unit'."

'I don't need to neuter him. He can go about his business.' A jedi dog trick.

"Lucifer wants to know if we're interested in a time-share swap."

"Are you there god? It's me, Margaret. So sorry to bother you but did you see my last email?"

"No one is available to take your call at the present time."