Jedi Fanatic Gifts

Obi Wan Kenobi uses the Force at the doctor's office.

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

Rod was unimpressed with the party - Sure, he was surrounded by bikini-clad lovelies, there was free champagne and a 20-foot jelly, but much to his chagrin, there was a distinct lack of cheese and pineapple chunks.

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

"The Curse of the robot followers: At first, Rob was thrilled with the all the attention and followers."

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

"I'm on Twitter and I get the feeling I'm not being followed."

Knight

'The stuff legends are made of'

Jar Wars: 'Use the forks Luke... Use the forks!'

The Exobus

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

'I think my dieting may be getting out of hand.'

Millennials in the Year 2050...

'Pingree FUNDS, inc'

I don't get why ladies find you so charming, and me so boring. Simple projection. Believe she finds you charming because you're wittier and more mysterious than she is. She'll sense you're a challenge. Suddenly she'll make anything you say conform to that assumption. So I just Jedi mind-trick them? Maybe not ANYthing.

Jelly Fish

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

Weigh station

Today's Sermon: Are You Praying Or Just Looking At Your Phones?

'35,000 twitter followers, but no real friends...'

Torah-nosaurus Rex

"Her Taurus was in opposition to my Libra."

"Am I not being funny enough?"

"I wouldn't have smacked you on the butt if I'd known your light saber was in your back pocket."

Er! Exactly when was this 'dress for success' book you've been readng written?

"I'm a big devotee of fasting."

"Chasing high net worth clients is a fast moving game. . . it's not just bakers and financiers we need to understand. . ."

"Well, if you don't count yourself, how many followers do you have?"

Yeti Winter Winter Campout

The Hellish Sermon

Kangaroo and pogo stick.