Jargon Jammer Gifts

"This contract just won't do, good God a child could understand it."

'Without management consultants how is the NHS meant to instigate forward facing paradigm shifts in it's client nourishment product and policy integration strategisation?

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"Well, that's the only song we know, so we can play it another two or three times, or we can cut our losses. Waddya say, Cleveland?"

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"We have an acronym!"

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Women's Martial Arts Center

A Bloody Butcher

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

Although not felt by everone, Wanda's powrful jargon sent seismic shock waves through some of the more geologically unstable department in the organization.

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

"It's a swearbox."

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

Dept. for Obfuscation - Out for periodic diurnal replenishment of nutritive substances.

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)