Jargon Buster Gifts

Plain English group.

'You don't call this a legal document, do you? I can understand every word of it.'

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about.'

"Oh, don't worry about that, it's just the grey area ..."

'By the time I'd explained that we were instituting a 360 degree patient facing strategy with a radical new paradigm prioritising blue sky initiatives in a coordinated health management structure he'd gone and died!'

'Tell us, in layman's terms, what your breakthrough means.'

'I appreciate you explaining it to me in terms I can understand, especially the part about Mister Stomach and the food choo-choo.'

"There's no need to take notes. I have no idea what I'm talking about."

"We must avoid jargon if we truly wish to empower our clients..."

"I'm going to forego all the gobbledegook and cut straight to the rigamarole."

Omission Statement

"Which swoosh best describes our corporate philosophy?"

"I'm just following up on that email."

Business jargon : 'significant negative growth' translated into : 'we are dead broke !'

"No, son, a tax shelter is not where you go to rescue an accountant."

"So, any other ideas as to how we can be more disruptive?"

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

'We'll tell the stockholders that consistancy is the hallmark of the corporation.'

"I've asked you to this meeting, Paulson, to put a human face on rightsizing."

Thinking outside the box.

'I know what full ch is but what is ci, cockroach infested?'

'That's what I call thinking outside the box.'

Pushing the envelope.

So what are the things we can't do in a can do environment?

"We have a really bad case of spotted groupthink."

Concrete action v local solution

Directory. The world has passed me by. I understand absolutely nothing about the work people do from reading their corporate job titles.

"Allow me to put this in term you'll think you understand."

"Good customer communications require you to translate this mumbo jumbo into gobbledegook."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"