Medical Jargon Buster Gifts

"Could you prescribe something to help me figure out my Part D drug coverage?"

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

Plain English group.

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about.'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

Developing links within business.

'No Farnsworth, I'm not firing you. I'm enhancing your advancement opportunities.'

Customer help - jargon talking i-diot.

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

Vocabulary Glossary for Libya

Translating Contractor to English

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

"We must avoid jargon if we truly wish to empower our clients..."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

A man is looking at a sign saying Exhibition of art exhibition jargon.

Pushing the envelope.

"The Company has drawn a line under me and moved on."

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'

'Tell us, in layman's terms, what your breakthrough means.'

"There's no need to take notes. I have no idea what I'm talking about."

"I'm just following up on that email."

'To avoid lawsuits, we articulate in medicalese that most mortals could not render intelligible.'

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

"Good customer communications require you to translate this mumbo jumbo into gobbledegook."

'That's what I call thinking outside the box.'

"Stiff neck, blurred vision, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, all due to extended time in front of a computer. I think I just discovered the ICD-10 code for my job!"