Medical Jargon Lover Gifts

'After looking at your test results and consulting many experts, it's my medical opinion that you have something I can't pronounce.'

'Before we can treat it, we need to pronounce it.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

"I propose the next person who says 'it is what it is,' we beat the living hell out of him."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

"Look at this - we're trying to merge with some of our acquisitions, and we're trying to acquire some of our mergers."

"Mr. Thomaston's people are here to talk to your people."

'But it didn't cost anything, dear! I did it all off balance-sheet!'

'It has everything... I love it!'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

'I got my foot in the door...at a price!'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

Dan tells me you're an architect. That is so cool! Thanks! Cloud architect, actually.

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

''Big Society'...paradigm shift blah! Blah! Community spirit, neighbourhood cohesion, blah! Blah! Social inputs, perceptual platforms blah! Blah!'

" 'Take over' is such a harsh term. We prefer corporate make over.' "

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.