Medical Jargon Gifts

"It's not a pain reliever, but it resembles one. It's called Acetametaphor."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

Pollsters

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

Could you be a little bit more specific than an 'arm and a leg'?

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

'To avoid lawsuits, we articulate in medicalese that most mortals could not render intelligible.'

"Boss, I didn't understand your memo. It reads 'W.U.W.T.M.S.A.' What does that mean?"

'He spoke in millions...then I found out he was a bacteriologist.'

NYer uploaded by mod - Pistachio Terminology 2022

"Stiff neck, blurred vision, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, all due to extended time in front of a computer. I think I just discovered the ICD-10 code for my job!"

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

"I know you're new to the job, Ms. Jones, but the correct term is 'stat'... not 'move your ass'!"

"I have some good news and bad news, wonderful news, terrifying news, boring news, stunning news, technically incomprehensible news, news you should sit down to hear, and news you definitely won't take laying down. Which first?"

"No, that's not data pouring from the clouds. That's just rain. Let me explain how cloud technology works again. . ."

"You say 'potato' I say 'dehydrogenated on vegetable flavoured product enhancer.'"

'Welcome to 'Wall Street Speaks'... and now our next guest is an expert on street talk.'

'Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob.'

'Whenever he says 'Et cetera', it mean's he's run out of ideas. . .'

"Dear Alice: in response to your accusation...."

"I'm not called the Grim Reaper now - I'm an 'After-life Care Facilitator. . .'"

'It was a trememdous piece of surgery!...'

Parson asking a professional player about cricketing terminology.

"We don't need, "three hundred and sixty degree thinking" on this - it's not the bloody marketing department!"

"For legal reasons, the names of doctors, nurses, diseases, treatments, and medicines have changed."

"Do you have any fresh medical mumbo jumbo?"