Medical Jargon Critic Gifts

"What would I call your rash in lay terms? How about 'yeeech!'"

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

"I propose the next person who says 'it is what it is,' we beat the living hell out of him."

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"'Autonomy' is the new BUZZ word! We have to unleash our staff. Professionals like you need to be free to use your own judgement, manage your own workloads...use your initiative."

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"Mr. Thomaston's people are here to talk to your people."

"Look at this - we're trying to merge with some of our acquisitions, and we're trying to acquire some of our mergers."

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

'But it didn't cost anything, dear! I did it all off balance-sheet!'

'It has everything... I love it!'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

'I got my foot in the door...at a price!'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

'Worst case of buzzword overdose I've ever seen!'

"You're all redundant."

Dan tells me you're an architect. That is so cool! Thanks! Cloud architect, actually.

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

''Big Society'...paradigm shift blah! Blah! Community spirit, neighbourhood cohesion, blah! Blah! Social inputs, perceptual platforms blah! Blah!'

" 'Take over' is such a harsh term. We prefer corporate make over.' "