Medical Lingo Lover Gifts

'I can't pronounce the condition you have....I'll simply call it your affliction.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"I can't find my other boot. I need to be rebooted."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

Paging for a Doctor

"Who has removed the appendix from the medical text book?"

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

'So I said 'You must be frackin' joking!''

Illustrated Encyclopedia of Infectious Diseases

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

Anatomy.

'I don't like the looks of this - there's nothing wrong.'

"You're this age and never had surgery? Aren't you curious?"

'Mr. Figgs - any door with doctor on it - knock-go in-smile-sit down-poor out your woes.'

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

'What is it now, Mister Hypochondriac?'

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

'I'll have to do some tests, but I suspect you may have a sty in you eye.'

'To avoid lawsuits, we articulate in medicalese that most mortals could not render intelligible.'

'There's something wrong here. You have all these risk factors, and yet you're in excellent health.'

'My protocol ate your paradigm.'

"Hello, Dr. Moreno? I wanted to tell you how nice it was to visit you today, but I'm not sure I needed all the pill samples...especially since I'm not sick."

"But the good news is I've found my watch!"

'Half the diabetics were given the new drug and responded well. The other half got a placebo and went into shock.'

Hospital chart 'GTACT...'

"One of us is a placebo, Mr Jones..."

"Stiff neck, blurred vision, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, all due to extended time in front of a computer. I think I just discovered the ICD-10 code for my job!"

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

"Yes, Peters, it is just legalese. It's all just legalese. We're a law firm."

'You have what we in the medical profession call, a mystery illness, which might give you an idea of the prognosis.'