Medical Language Gifts

'Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Campaign for Plain English

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Torturing the English Language

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

vaccine wars.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

A midwife holding a baby

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!