Military Jargon Buster Gifts

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'Who said the Germans don't have a sense of humour? Just look at that card Hans Greber and we have haven't been shot at all day.'

"I propose the next person who says 'it is what it is,' we beat the living hell out of him."

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

"Mr. Thomaston's people are here to talk to your people."

"Look at this - we're trying to merge with some of our acquisitions, and we're trying to acquire some of our mergers."

Plain English group.

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'But it didn't cost anything, dear! I did it all off balance-sheet!'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about.'

'It has everything... I love it!'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

'I got my foot in the door...at a price!'

'Every war game scenario I've run has you picking up the check.'