Naval Jargon Lover Gifts

'THINGMY ON THE PORT BOW!! You know, what's it called? Long and pointy... Very fast... TORPEDO ON THE PORT BOW!!'

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

Pirate School: 'Today mateys we are going to study the three aarrrsss.'

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

COWMIKAZES

'Carry on sailor, just keep swimming around the coast and stick your head up now and again.'

Commonly confused homonyms: Frigate and Frigate

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

Sub Editor

"Port outbound, starboard home."

'Okay who swiped my bath toys?'

'It was only a joke. I never thought they's accept me.'

On board the MS Hepatology

'A boy! Standing on a burning deck! I bet nobody did a risk assessment?'

"Relax, Marge! I'm sure the folks at 'Ultimate Pirate Adventures'. . ."

Admiral in the bath.

Horatio Nelson

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

John Bull Devouring the French Navy

"This is Rob Dolan on a recorded line, anything you say may be held against you in a court of law."

Veteran mistakes ironclad ship for Noah's Ark

'This is a dolphin friendly boat.'

Have a very piratical Birthday

"Thank you for coming. The talks were forthright and useful, and provided an excellent climate in which to resolve our remaining differences."

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

That foggy, closed-in feeling will dissipate soon, giving you a clear view of what is ahead.

"#*@!% #*@!% #*@!%"

"Large destroyer on the horizon, captain."

Whale lifts up submarine out of the water.

The 'British Tar' of the Future (The Future of the Navy)

'A middle seat?! Just my luck!'

'And the poop deck isn't what it sounds like!...We've got a jon boat for that!'