Government Jargon Decoder Gifts

'Ask NOT what your country can do you...but what gender neutral policy initiatives can be put up for discussion and negotiation within a framework of ZERO fiscal resource allocation...'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'Physical or Social Science?'

Plain English group.

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about.'

Developing links within business.

'No Farnsworth, I'm not firing you. I'm enhancing your advancement opportunities.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Customer help - jargon talking i-diot.

Translating Contractor to English

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

"We must avoid jargon if we truly wish to empower our clients..."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'The new role will involve some EXTRA responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...It's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

A man is looking at a sign saying Exhibition of art exhibition jargon.

Mixed marriage: food fight

"The Company has drawn a line under me and moved on."

More of what people often say (and what they really mean)

Pushing the envelope.

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'

'Tell us, in layman's terms, what your breakthrough means.'

"There's no need to take notes. I have no idea what I'm talking about."

"Gentlemen, let's do lunch."

"I'm just following up on that email."

Doctors talking about ways to confuse patients with jargon.

"Good customer communications require you to translate this mumbo jumbo into gobbledegook."

Motor Co - It's from Head Office, we've all got to be Crypton tuned.

'That's what I call thinking outside the box.'