Jargon Decoder Gifts

'With the aid of a technical dictionary Colin was finally able to make some sense of what the salesman was saying.'

"Does anyone have any questions? Don't be shy...anyone? Come on folks!"

The c@ s@ on the m@

'Could you put me through to the Quarterly Statement Report, translation department?'

Think outside the box?? Where do you want me to go?

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo.'

"This contract is gobbledeegook. . . I asked for mumbo jumbo!"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Torturing the English Language

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"We have an acronym!"

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

A Bloody Butcher

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"It's a swearbox."

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

"We owe our success to teamwork. Without it we could never have grasped at so many straws."

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."