Jargon Decipherers Gifts

"I think I understand the mumbo, but can we go over the jumbo one more time?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Torturing the English Language

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"We have an acronym!"

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

A Bloody Butcher

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"There's a conversation to be had around a piece of work I'd like us to do tonight."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"It's a swearbox."

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

"We owe our success to teamwork. Without it we could never have grasped at so many straws."

"I propose the next person who says 'it is what it is,' we beat the living hell out of him."

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"